Lupus & Me: A Chronicle Of My Life With Lupus, An Autoimmune Disease

Originally posted on 4utu :

Music & Feathers:

Here’s what fatigue means to me, how I experienced it. My hands felt light as a feather and heavy as granite at the same time.  I wanted to live and experience life but the shell of my organic being would not cooperate.  I discovered radio and books you could listen to and I held on to that vein of connecting with all the ferocity my feathers would muster.  I would listen to music, stories, news …as the days passed.  I would pause the sounds to hear who was in the house on watch.  They respected my wishes of not asking me how I felt.  This was during the great brain swelling that was really ever so slight.  But that’s all it took to throw my world into a lupus loop (I had to use that…I’ve been dying to use the lupus loop–it’s cheesy but just let me…

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Unfrenemy Yourself: A Loud Whisper

Originally posted on 4utu :

estela caballero bloguera lupus blog

The Monster Mash

Frenemy is a word mash describing an all too common type of relationship.  People who pretend to be a friend but their words and actions are more like what you would expect from an enemy.  I’ve found that many frenemy types often take pride in their brutal honesty–  their favorite sayings are things like, “I tell it like it is” or “I’m just very honest– people have a hard time dealing with what they don’t want to hear.”  They can be logical and some are so good that they will have you convinced you should be thanking them for the compliments that feel a lot like a put down.  A toxic friendship isn’t a friendship at all–  it’s a bad relationship you need to drop like a moldy churro.

If you have frenemies, you need to take a hard look at yourself.  Your frenemy invisible electric fence…

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Autism Tales: Brothers


“Someone wants to be just like you.  Don’t let them down.”


Mikey is just a little more than a year older than Gustavo.  They’ve alternated as tallest between the both of them for several years now.  A few days ago, one became even taller than dear old dad.  My husband still denies it and blames it on Mikey’s thick head of hair.

Mikey is on the left.  Gustavo is his little brother and I believe his desire to protect and help him would have been there no matter what.  Because they are so close in age, Mikey doesn’t have memories of a life before his younger brother was around.  He doesn’t remember the times we talked about autism in hushed tones because we didn’t know what it meant or how to respond to people who gave him that look when he was behaving differently.

Yes, some brothers are close.  Mikey turns 18 soon and will be an official adult.  I have a feeling that no matter the age, he will always have the friendship and love of a younger brother he kept close under his wings.

My Name is Bond by Estela Caballero

lion hall

I was on a mission.  Mission accomplished.  I’ve been wanting to see these sea lions for years but it never worked out.  They were hanging out near the Safeway in Astoria, Oregon.  You can hear them long before you spot them.  They would get into a medium loud barking pattern and then something would set one off.  After that it would get loud-loud and no pattern except crazy!  They’d start splashing around and some would get brave and try to get on the same plank as Number 5– he looked like the leader.  He wasn’t sharing his plank at first but then a cute she lion joined him.

He was a little redder shade than these sea lions and it almost looked like he had a bald spot on his head.  He had a big number five on his back that almost looked like someone got the clippers and gave him a cool fade with a number 5 etched in it.  The image of the sea lion in the barber chair was fleeting…the crazy barking threw my crazy guess about how Number 5 became Number 5 off.

When I got home I googled branded sea lions.  There were lots of numbers but nothing about Number 5–  some are branded and have tracking devices.  I’m convinced he is a spy.  After all, sea lions don’t need a passport to travel all over the world and who is going to mess with a big red haired sea lion with a cool fade?  No one.

It's Your Life. Drive!


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